Monday, 3 May 2010

Are we really here?

Not sure if i've mentioned it before, but I didn't drink alcohol for 2 years up until 6 weeks ago.
In that time, a lot of things happened just as they do in every day life. Like working full time and starting uni etc.

Within my sober time I felt I had clarity over everything pretty much all the time. I knew exactly what I was doing on a night out and where I would end up. I was never tired throughout the day or counting the minutes to leave work because I needed to eat crap and sleep off the hangover. My skin was always easy to manage. I was always alert and found it easy to have a healthy outlook. I drank 3 liters of water every day.

Within the short time I have been drinking again I don't trust myself on a night out, I don't know what'll happen or where i'll end up. I'll be so tired I could punch my alarm in the morning for waking me from my drunken slumber. My skin feels all clogged up. I feel like my head is spinning most of the time from tiredness. I crave caffeine instead of water and chocolate instead of fruit.

I'm not really sure where i'm going with this, but surely the drinking me is the negative me and the sober me is the positive me. It's obvious on paper. But I think I feel happier etc now than I did before, even if slightly confused as to whether I should be drinking or not.

If it's the case that things are going fabulously for me right now, the alcohol ridden me, isn't that disgusting and scary? I'm not just talking about me now, in fact I don't know my point or where this is going anymore, but it seems startling that people fuel themselves with this drug and if they've never had a long stint of being sober, they might never have that clarity on life that not drinking gives you!!
Maybe it's because I didn't drink for quite a long time that it all seems more bizarre to me, but what is life when we need to be drunk to live it?
On the other hand, i'm looking forward to a summer of pimms... it's really confusing.

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